My Imaginary Boyfriend is 6 foot two inches tall, Has brown hair, blue eyes, and is well-endowed. He looks dashing in a suit and always uses Correct punctuation in text messages. My Imaginary Boyfriend smells like Brad Pitt and sounds like A warm, wet summer night in New Orleans. He is strong enough to pick me up like Richard Gere, but Gentle enough to massage my heart without hurting it. My Imaginary Boyfriend is funny and charming as a talk show host And still thinks I'm classy if I snort wine out my nose when I laugh. He loves my cellulite; thinks my crooked teeth are adorable; And sings with me at the top of our lungs to Bon Jovi in the car. My Imaginary Boyfriend is impressed by my fascinating opinions On politics, and the last episode of Outlander. He listens with bated breath and turns to his friend and says, "Isn't she brilliant?" My Imaginary Boyfriend rides a motorcycle and looks sexy In jeans and a t-shirt, without combing his hair. He is a generous and passionate lover, but doesn't mind If I'm too distracted by the hockey game to have sex. He accepts my insecurities with patience; takes them from me, Wraps them in bubble wrap and places them on a shelf So that only the best of me is left For the rest of the world.